How to Make Your Life WAY Easier...With Chores

Chores are a concept that many families struggle with, and there are many different outlooks on what chores consist of, and who should have to do them, not to mention whether or not payment should be involved.  Our family muddled through, sometimes frustrated with the lack of clear guidelines and structure, until one weekend I sat down and created a complete program for chores.

We had just finished yet another discussion about who should be doing what and when they should be doing it, and all of us - my husband, our three daughters, at that time 5, 10 and 11 years old, and myself - were irritated and frustrated.  When I get into that space, I journal.  It helps me find solutions, and in this case I created something that really worked.  I will provide downloads of the actual Excel charts in the toolbox, but here's essentially how it works.

I made a list of what needed to be done in each room on a daily, weekly and monthly basis, and put a little note next to each item with the approximate time it would take to complete each item.  For example:

FAMILY ROOM:

     Daily

• Pick up basic clutter & return to the correct room- 3 min

     Weekly

• Dust shelves, end tables, clean front of TV with Windex - 5 min

     Monthly

• Wash windows & screens - 20 min

I did this for each room, making sure the times were set to how long it would take my children to complete the item, not how long it would take me to do so.

Next I set up a calendar that listed who did what, when.  We found, after some experimentation, that it was best to keep one person responsible for cleaning one room for the entire week.  This way there was no argument about it not being "really clean" and one person doing more than another.  Rooms were assigned on a rotating basis; in the spirit of fairness my husband and I were also each assigned a room, and assisted our youngest with her assigned space.  Bedrooms were not included, each person was responsible for their own bedroom space, and dishes were assigned on a rotating basis as well, separate from kitchen clean up.

Each item was given a monetary value, and at the end of the week chore money was paid out.  The kids had an opportunity to earn more funds by doing laundry or doing "extras" that weren't assigned but were helpful.  Some people disagree with paying children for chores, but we felt that not only were they learning to be responsible for cleaning, but also figuring out how to deal with money.  They used their earnings to buy little things they wanted and sometimes saved up for bigger items.

They were not paid for cleaning their own rooms, or for taking their turn cooking, which I will discuss in a later post.  But they did have to clean their own room in order to receive the money for doing their other chores.  We had incredible success with this method!  Each of the girls had a folder with the breakdown of what needed to be done in each room, our youngest had photos alongside the writing.  While this sounds like it may be too detailed for young children, the reason it DID work was because they knew what the expectations were.  They had a clear picture of what we wanted in order for the room to be considered clean, plus it was fun for them to have a "Work Book".

As long as they did their best (not my husband's or my best) on cleaning a room, they were given praise and their earnings.  It took approximately 15 minutes per day on weekdays, plus one day of dishes at about 1/2 hour and about an hour on Saturday.  They were not overwhelmed with chores, but learned to do necessary things.  For the first few weeks it took me longer to walk them through it then it would have to just do it myself.  I resisted taking over.  You'll find that this is a theme with me.  Delegate, instruct, empower.

When each of our two oldest daughters left for college they were perfectly capable of doing their own laundry, cleaning, cooking and managing money; our youngest will be ready as well.  And in the end, isn't a big part of our job as parents to help them learn how to be capable and confident before letting them loose in the world?

Please feel free to use my Excel charts, and let me know how it goes for you!  If you need help setting a system up, or standing firm and not backing down, don't hesitate to contact me!  

Reflecting on 2012

As I sit in the peace and quiet this New Years’ morning, I’m filled with a quiet joy as I contemplate 2012.  Yes, there were rough days, disappointments and heartbreak, but there were also amazing moments of clarity, fun times, and a renewed awareness that I get to decide – in each moment – how I choose to be.  When I reflect back on things I have truly done well, the biggest and most important undertaking of my life has been a team effort…my husband and I working together to raise our three daughters.

When I look at them – three very different, yet strikingly similar lovely young women – the little “aha” light bulb goes on, as in Oh, this is what it’s all about.  I get it.  They are, as I said, very different.  Our oldest is joyful and outgoing, she is a preschool teacher in her last year of college and brings creativity, fun and acceptance into children’s lives on a daily basis, plus she has an incredibly contagious laugh.  Her patience is extraordinary, and when put into a room with a difficult child, she has them engaged in fun, educational activities within a very short period of time.  She is positive, friendly and helpful.  In addition, she is fairly assertive and completely confident in letting those around her know that she requires they treat her with respect. 

Our middle daughter is athletic, intuitive and loyal.  She is a soccer player through and through, but can play just about any sport and will practice tenaciously until she gains the skill she desires.  She is in her third year of college and wants to be a coach/trainer.  Her style is encourage, support, encourage, instruct, encourage, fine tune, encourage.  She has been training me, and though I’m out of shape and not a fitness professional, she helps me feel comfortable and confident each step of the way.  She too is positive, friendly and helpful.  Less vocally assertive than her sisters, but just as likely to walk away if she is disrespected.

Our youngest daughter is playful, compassionate and fair-minded.  A sophomore in high school, she vehemently dislikes injustice and bullying and is willing to take a stand publicly or in private.  She is considering becoming a chef and has become my staunchest supporter in regards to my gluten allergy, remaking all of our favorite recipes so that, quite honestly, I don’t feel deprived in any way.  She’s still a contradiction in the way of teenagers… positive then negative, friendly then grouchy, helpful then sluggish.  The bonus – for me – is that I’ve been through this twice already, so I know the positive, friendly and helpful will prevail.  It goes without saying that she is very assertive.

I guess, looking at the surface, they are different.  But their values and the type of young women they are?  Very similar.  Of course they have their flaws, as we all do, but each day I’m taken aback by how incredible they are.  And on this first day of 2013…I’m taking partial credit for that.  Not for their accomplishments, which are their own, but for doing the work each and every day to support, encourage and guide them toward becoming positive, friendly, helpful and assertive young women.  And then, the real trick, letting them loose into the world to share their gifts.  It hasn’t always been easy, and we’ve fallen down more than a time or two, but we always get back up and begin again…and it’s completely worth it!

So Happy New Year!  And here’s to parenting audaciously in 2013!